Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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