so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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