Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
