are you so shy because you have an std?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
