Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
