As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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