We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
