dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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