I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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