U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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