I think I died a long time ago.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
