Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
as a side note pls kill me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
