Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
