am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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