The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
