I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
