Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
