Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
