went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
