How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
