i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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