Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
