At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
