If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
