How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
