i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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