her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We need to get me chipped asap
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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