I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
