we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
