So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
