I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
