Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
