At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
