Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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