Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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