Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
