When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize