I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
