Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
