dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
