he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
