i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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