I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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