At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
