Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
