Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
