White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Panties = found
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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