HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
