how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
