i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
