Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How does it feel to date your dad?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize