we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
