i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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