I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
