youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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