do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
