I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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