I murdered the dance floor call the cops
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When did angry sex become our thing?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
