my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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