you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
