Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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