You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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