the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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