What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
