Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
