um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
