Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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